


Spider-Verse Incorrect quotes™

by Nebulapaws



Series: Spidey One-shots [1]
Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, I don't actually know??, Incorrect Quotes, Memes, based off a bunch of B-team tumblr memes, cursing, depends if I have the freetime, idk if it'll be a mini series of crack fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-11 12:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17446952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulapaws/pseuds/Nebulapaws
Summary: a crack fic that'll probably end up taking up my whole night making™





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I was bored h e l p ™

It was a long morning for Peni. she stayed up late last night trying to get Sp//dr's upgrades to work perfectly. but multiple times during that...about 5 hours long time period, she was told by Noir, Ham or Peter to sleep and get some rest. however, she didn't listen. why? well...that's her business!

So, the next morning when she got to Aunt May's house, she was surprised to see the adults of the group in the living room, cross-armed standing in front of the couch, Peter b. had a very disappointed face. Noir spoke first, "That's it, young lady! you're grounded!"

she got extremely confused at first. "wh-what?" she uttered "w-what's t-this for?!" 

he hustled her to the kitchen. "get on top of the fridge GET,"

She had no idea what was happening anymore--did he just say get on the fridge? what kind of childhood did he have? who punishes their kids like this--she started to climb the fridge anyway. "this house is a _fuCKING NIGHTMARE--"_

safe to say her evening was filled with getting berated and chewed out like crazy, with a sniggering Miles, and a Gwen who was trying her best not to laugh. she put on a very strong pout through it all though, so that's _all_ that matters.

* * *

there was something up with the spiders. it was a unanimous agreement that Noir and Ham usually ended up taking care of Peni, While Peter B. was all on his own taking care of Miles and Gwen, Like parental figures. (although, as of late Peter.b did have Mary Jane so...) but right now, Ham and Noir had gotten into a playful fight. 

"that's it!" Ham said in a playful teary voice. "Peni! Come on! we're leaving!!" 

Peni tilted her head confusedly. they were in public, and Peni was holding Noir's hand. She looked down at Ham. "So Noiry isn't gonna be my daddy anymore?"

Noir wheezed, but Ham continued with the gag "HE'S NOT _MINE_ EITHER!!" Peni winced but laughed.

* * *

playing Tic-tac-toe with Ham, Peni looked at ham straight in the eye. she put an 'O' right next to the two 'x'es that he had Laid in a row. he glared at her, with a pretend malicious glare. Peter B. gasped dramatically " _SHE BLOCKED HIM!!"_

Peni started giggling as Gwen chipped in on their joke. " _Impossible!!"_

Noir grinned behind his upturned mask, while he had been taking sips a gradually wearing down on the coffee that he was drinking. "hehe, she's learned well...."

Miles grinned and Pat the girl on her shoulder. "you can _do_ this Peni!!"

Peni tried her hardest not to explode into laughter.

Ham started growling and glaring--quite literally--daggers at Peni. she doubled over and laughed hysterically, joined by the rest of the spiders. Ham felt a warm pride surge in his chest at making the entire team laugh like this.

He loved these dorks.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Shenanigans with our favourite Spider-fam <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really depressed, and there was more by
> 
> [Incorrect-Spider-Verse](https://incorrect-into-the-spiderverse.tumblr.com/)
> 
> so I couldn't help myself!!

It was late at night. Grey clouds rolled across the dull sky, rain pattered against the side-walk heavily. Peni, Miles and Gwen were all sitting in Miles's dorm room with SP//dr acting as a TV for the trio. Peni asked politely if the robot could show the trio security footage from outside. 

sure enough, the footage showed Ham, carrying a trashcan into the alleyway. when he dropped it, it fell right down on his hoof. he yelped. "Gah!  _hot Belgian waffles!!!"_

His eyes went wide. "wait a second." He looked around at the walls of the alleyway and seemed to come to a realization. "I'm not in my universe!! I can swear for real!  _Son of a--"_

Noir seemed to Materialize out of nowhere, commanding SP//dr to turn off the footage, and giving the trio a stern look. but the three could only look confused, and tempted to question the Monochromic man how the hell he managed to do that. 

x-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-x

Noir was having a really.... _weird day._

it was June and his first summer in Miles's universe. and the three kids had weird hoodies--with flags, he recognized as 'Pride' flags, like Bisexual, transgender, and gay/les...bean was it?--and that wasn't even the most confusing part! "Uhh...what is this?" 

Gwen grinned, wide and happy. "I'm too gay and powerful Noir," 

well, that didn't fucking help. "what the fuck," 

Gwen had a mock serious face put on after that comment. "Keep talkin' shit motherfucker, and the rainbows are comin'" 

it was safe to say, Noir had a very confusing ass day until Peni told him it was Pride month. 

x-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-x

Peni came back inside Aunt May's house, her backpack slung over her shoulder. when she opened the door, she took a beeline towards the couch and sat down heavily with a huff. she rummaged through her backpack when a hand on her shoulder jumped her out of whatever peace she was trying to get. 

"Young lady, you're grounded!" Noir looked at her with a stern look. 

"w-what?! what did I do?" Peni Jumped, her eyes wide--wider than a normal human's eyes could even be. 

"You disobeyed direct orders, that's what!" Noir's eyes turned to slits. White disapproving slits. _oh yeah. ehehe..._

Just when she was about to say something, Ham jumped on Noir's shoulder, he had a shovel in his hands. "Now its time to bury you until you learn your lesson!" Peni gave him an eyes-wide look of horror.

Noir also give him a surprised look. "H-Ham that's not how g-grounding works--"

x-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-x

Noir was out on the window sill, his eyes slit. "Alright, Pig, you're in charge while I'm away,"

Ham nodded dutifully. "I'm your man!"

Noir gave him a suspicious look. "Don't do anything stupid, ok?" 

"I'm...kinda your man,"

"Keep the others out of trouble"

"I'm not your man,"

Noir, if he could, did an eye roll and thwipped out of the building, with a sure feeling of "yes...something bad is going to happen."  


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God what is happening anymore

Peter sipped coffee calmly. Youre probably wondering if he was having a good day. Well, he wasnt. He was just calmly observing the scene infront of him. 

Miles was climbing the walls of Aunt May's house yk try and do a back flip onto the trampoline, while Noir shouted at him that he should  _probably_ get his ass down from there, but the boy seemed to be deaf to Noir's attempts.

Ham looked over at Peni, who was eating some chips calmly, while survaying the situation."wanna bet 20 bucks that he'll hurt himself?" Ham sounded determined as hell. 

Peni looked back at Peter the. shrugged. "Sure, but i bet he wont" she herself sounded less determined. He mindlessly wondered if she even had enough to pay for that deal.

Gwen was cheering Miles on, shouting at him that he should pump the fuck up and do it already. 

Peter looked at seemingly nothing sarcastically, like he was in the office. "I need new friends"

Jokes on them, he really loved these nerds.

* * *

 

Miles had a cheeky grin on his face. Gwen really hated were this is going. But he wasnt the one that said anything, infact it was Peni. "Noir! Did you know yoshii commited tax fruad?" 

Miles broke into laughter. 

But Gwen, jokingly pulled out a switch blade and donned the silvery weapon at the two others with mock malice gleaming in her eyes. "Had it not been for the laws of this land, I'd have slaughtered you two," 

For a moment, she thought the two hadnt got the joke until they both started laughing, confusing poor Noir even more than he already was.  _what is a yoshi?_

* * *

 

Ham was on Noir's shoulders, setting up Mistletoe while bouncing around to the spidey-bells album Peni and Miles had gloriously started playing. "Heres a fun little idea" ham started "why dont instead of kissing under mistletoe, we  _fight"_

Noir shook his head "no, we arent doing that." 

Gwen grinned wildly-- _oh no--_ she inhaled and yelled "mistle _FOE"_ she threw her hands into the air.

"No! Dont encourage him!!" But it was all too late. 

Miles walked into the room waving, "hey guys!" He walked next to Gwen, right under the mistletoe--

Gwen playfully tackled him, yelping "Mistle _FOE"_

Noir face palmed, but he kept Peni far away from the mistletoe that night. And the night after. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you guys sm for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> [Incorrect Spider-Verse](https://incorrect-into-the-spiderverse.tumblr.com/)


End file.
